Sometimes, couples can feel overwhelmed by their own emotions, leading them to shut down or stop listening. This can happen when there is a low tolerance for emotions or if the person grew up in an environment where they were constantly overwhelmed by other people's feelings. Establishing a healthy relationship requires communication, empathy, and mutual respect. If you don't feel respected by your partner, then the other aspects of your relationship become moot.
So what does it mean to be respected by your partner? According to Dr. Gary Brown, a leading couples therapist in Los Angeles, respect is evident in the way your partner treats you. If your partner truly respects you, they will be proud to have a relationship with you and will speak positively about you even when you're not around. They will also brag about your achievements.
However, there are subtle signs that your partner may not be respecting you. Teasing, misplaced humor, and sarcasm are all signs that your partner may not be taking your concerns seriously. Humor should be part of any healthy relationship, but it shouldn't be used to belittle your feelings. Your partner should also make an effort to listen to you and really focus on what you're saying instead of waiting for their turn to speak up or defend themselves.
They should also make room for your opinion in their life and encourage you to do what's right for you. On the other hand, if your partner only communicates to win an argument, then they may not feel heard in the relationship because they are so focused on proving their point of view that they don't listen to yours. It's also important to discuss expectations in the relationship. Some things may not come up until later on, such as if your partner wants to share passwords after going out for 6 months.
If there are areas that need to change in the relationship, then it's important to talk about them openly and honestly. Going to couples therapy together can help with this process and give your partner a chance to change. Imago therapy is a technique that is often used with couples to improve intimacy and focuses on listening. Structured forms of communication that involve one-sided dominant communication (talking more and listening less) can create a distance between the couple.
Finally, it's important for your partner not to invalidate your feelings or blame you for any situation that arises. If you tell them that you don't feel cared for or that your needs aren't being met, they should take it seriously instead of telling you that you're exaggerating or leaving the room.
